Snow

This really long, really taxing week is concluded with a major snowstorm. I don't mind. I welcome the chance to stay home. As I grow older, my attachment to my home grows stronger. Nothing beats time with the family, be it lazy days or days with purpose. I feel blessed to actually like my family enough to want to hang out with them, even when I don't have to.

It's been a good week, full of processing changes and making big decisions. I have some amazing friends whose input and support have proven invaluable, and I know that no matter what the future holds, I'll be OK. Who could ask for anything more?

And what does my future hold, at least immediately? I'm going to reduce the number of hours I work outside the home and spend more time with my son. Perhaps in time I will devote myself to the care of children, both my own and those of others. All I really know for sure is that I'm ready for a change, a change that brings me closer to home, that gives me a chance to make a positive impression on my son while he's still so young.

And when I think of that change, my heart sings, which is, according to my dearest friend, what life is really about anyway.

I hate January

I've tried to like January, but we're just not that compatible. I acknowledge there are parts of January that are actually quite enjoyable, but generally speaking, I do not enjoy the month. It's gray and boring. And I tend to go a little crazy in January.

Sure, it's logical to blame it on the sudden stop of all the hustle and bustle of December. Perhaps it's all of those less-than-cheery feelings bubbling up after being repressed during the holidays. I'm less concerned with the cause and more concerned with getting through.

At this time I have too many balls up in the air, too many unknowns as to how they will fall down around me. And you know what I really want to do? I just want to stay at home with my boy, soaking up all of the brilliant things he has to say, managing all of his spectacular moments of defiance and rebellion, pretending to be a domestic goddess. Being mommy is what I love most, and it's all I want to do. Staying at home isn't easy; in fact, in many ways it's probably more challenging than working outside the home. But leaving my heart in someone else's hands is growing more and more difficult.

Sigh...I can't wait for January to be over...

The family that plays together gets sick together

It started with the boy - congestion, coughing, fever, sleepless nights. In my attempt to be Amazing Nurturing Mom, I made myself susceptible to his illness. I cuddled him, hugged him, kissed him, wiped his runny nose until he felt better. And I felt like a hero until I became congested, started coughing, and couldn't sleep. Now I'm just cranky and trying to explain to a much-better son that Mommy is now sick and could really use some time to just rest and feel better too.

Thankfully dearest spouse is still well (probably due to sleeping on the couch for the past two nights and refusing to get within a 5 ft. radius of either son or me) and is able to divert the boy long enough to give me spare moments of peace and healing time. And how do I spend these moments? Blogging, of course. I figure it's a low-energy activity and keeps my mind sharp while my body recovers.

And the boy won't be distracted for long. He's a Mommy's Boy if ever there was one, and he'll find me. Oh, he'll find me. And I'll ask him for cuddles and hugs and kisses to help make me better too. Because that's what families do.

Embracing the Only Child

I'm not an only child, and now that I'm well into adulthood, I'm thankful for that. I have one younger brother, and while I adore him now, our childhood relationship was definitely strongly love-hate: I loved him and he appeared to hate me. I know, I know, this is not the truth, but we were not good friends then. Many of our circumstances conspired against improving our relationship early, but thankfully we withstood those challenges and can now laugh about our antics then.

Despite this rocky sibling connection, I thought it would be in dearest son's best interest to have a sibling. After all, who else will you be able to share those crazy family stories at holidays? And I love children. I adore being a mom. It seemed completely natural that we would try again. And it seemed completely natural that it would be as easy as it was the first time. Then we were made aware that nature works in many ways.

We tried. Several times. Three of those times I saw two lovely lines only to be followed by loss. I don't think I've ever been so devastated in my life. But time does heal all wounds, and we tried again, with no success. This last venture dearest spouse and I made an agreement: if I became pregnant, we would embrace another child and live happily ever after. If I didn't become pregnant, we would embrace our only child and live happily ever after. I didn't become pregnant, and now dearest son will be an only child. And I'm really OK with that.

So there's the background. It stands to reason that the ride with an only child is probably not as wild as it is with several children, but knowing my dearest spouse and myself, it's going to be pretty crazy all the same. Enjoy!