Off to a good start

2013 is going along swimmingly.  I'm still alcohol-free (a pretty amazing feat!), I'm on course with my resolutions, and Doran and I have been spending some awesome quality time together.  I couldn't ask for more at this point in my life.

Here's a picture of Doran in his white belt, received early this month:

After 9+ years of knowing how to knit, I FINALLY knit my first sock.  I'm pretty proud of it, so here's a pic of that:

I'm working on the other one now and hope to have it finished by the end of the week.  Socks are a practical knitting project, and I'm excited to try different patterns. 

My book of the month is one I picked up from the library sale:  Wednesday Night Witches.  It seemed like it could be a decent read when I read the description and the first few pages, but midway through I'm not so sure.  I'll finish it though, because it's not impossible.  Next I'll read a book from the Dexter series by Jeff Lindsay:  Dexter in the Dark.  At least that's my plan.  Who knows if another title will strike my fancy first!

So that's a small update of things going on in my world.  I've naturally been doing a lot of thinking, but those thoughts can wait for another day.  For now, I need to resume my housecleaning and make some lunch.  Have a lovely Tuesday!

Sobriety

I did not resolve to quit drinking in 2013.  I felt such a goal to be too big, too long-term, too much, so I decided to simply do a 30-day sobriety challenge.  Thirty of 365 days seemed much more reasonable and doable for me.

Over the past couple of days, though, I've begun to take an honest look at my life and what I've allowed it to become.  The truth is I've allowed alcohol to play a huge part in my life for most of my adult life, with the exception of pregnancy.  I've joked about it in an attempt to hide how serious the issue was, but I don't believe it went completely unnoticed by those who love me. 

For a while it was easy to deny a problem.  I had never missed a day of work due to drinking; I'd just come to work hungover.  I did most of my drinking at night and never craved a drink upon waking.  My son had not suffered visibly from my alcohol abuse (meaning he always had healthy food, got to school on time, had quality time with me, made it to play dates, etc but who knows how much he noticed on a psychological level).  Besides, who doesn't enjoy a good craft beer?  Most of my "friends" did, that's for sure.  And in a town with so many microbreweries, why not enjoy some of each?  So many beers, so little time...

Facing the reality of alcohol addiction is not easy.  I have a strong sense of pride that is wounded by this admission.  After all, I'm a smart woman, bright and funny, generous and thoughtful.  How could I have allowed something like this to happen?  But it did happen, and now's the time to set aside my pride and admit I have a problem that needs some help.

So I'm blogging about it as a way of holding myself accountable.  My dirty secret is out.  My plan is still to follow the 30-day sobriety challenge and allow myself the possibility of a drink at the end of it.  I'm hoping that by that point I'll be in enough control to cope with any urges I have, but it's going to be a lengthy process.  I've spent more than a decade drinking heavily (again, except for pregnancy) and those issues won't resolve in just 30 days.  But with the right support I'll make it and create a new life free of dependency.

And if by chance you see me out and I happen to have a drink, please don't judge me.  A smile and a hug will do more to help me than any criticism you may have for my choices.