Sorry for the lack of updates. My laptop died a few weeks ago and blogging from my phone can be quite tedious.
It has been a rough couple of months but I think things are looking up. Hope all is well with you and yours and that I'll be able to posy a real update, complete with pictures, very soon!
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
'Tis the season
For me to become totally obsessed with knitting/crocheting a gift for every single person whom I love in my life. It starts around October and just keeps increasing in intensity until Christmas Eve, sometimes New Year's. I'm aware of my desire to gift give for the entire year, but somehow, playing in the hot sun seems more appealing than knitting scarves in the summer. Every year I say it will be different and every year it's more of the same.
I want to be the type of knitter who is rarely seen without a project in tow. I want to be the crocheter who plans her gifts well in advance and actually finishes them by Thanksgiving, leaving time for last-minute pop-ups (like the sweet new moms you met in a playgroup or a friend's new significant other). I wonder what it will take to actually arrive in this place of needlecrafting zen.
Who knows? For now I'll just dive into all those projects I left half-finished and hope two months is enough time to wrap it all up!
I want to be the type of knitter who is rarely seen without a project in tow. I want to be the crocheter who plans her gifts well in advance and actually finishes them by Thanksgiving, leaving time for last-minute pop-ups (like the sweet new moms you met in a playgroup or a friend's new significant other). I wonder what it will take to actually arrive in this place of needlecrafting zen.
Who knows? For now I'll just dive into all those projects I left half-finished and hope two months is enough time to wrap it all up!
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Lessons from Smurfs
I took Doran and a friend to see The Smurfs 2 yesterday as a pre-birthday celebration. I expected to tolerate it at best, especially considering the reviews. I had no idea I'd be moved by one simple but powerful statement:
" We rise to the amount of love we're shown and sink only when that love stops."
These words by Papa Smurf really got me to thinking about unconditional love and its qualities. I say I love my son unconditionally, but I often lose patience with his growing process or take out my bad mood on him. I can admit I sometimes treat him differently when he misbehaves (and I'm not talking about enforcing natural consequences). I sometimes forget that I want love to motivate my actions, not ego.
After crying a few minutes over the ways I feel I've failed my son and other loved ones, I arrived at a state of gratitude. I can keep trying to show my son (and all people for that matter) the love they need to rise high.
Thanks, Papa Smurf, for the timely reminder.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Nostalgia
In 10 short days my boy will turn 7. In the grand scheme of things that's not very old, but for me it feels like time is moving much too quickly.
I went through the TV channels tonight and saw that Dinosaur Train and Bob the Builder were playing on some PBS channel that shows preschool shows 24/7. I honestly teared up because I remember when Doran watched those shows along with Thomas the Tank Engine, Handy Manny, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and Clifford. I remember watching Nick Jr. with him, seeing Moose and Zee and learning colors in Spanish with him. Now it's all Power Rangers and Pokemon and Ninja Turtles and the charm of those early years has worn away. Those are such precious years and while I definitely enjoyed them to their fullest, they passed too quickly for me.
Perhaps it's because today is designated as Pregnancy and Infant Loss and Remembrance Day. Four years ago at this time I was hoping with all my heart that I would be pregnant again. On his birthday that same year I tested positive on a pregnancy test and two weeks later I lost that pregnancy. No wonder October is filled with so much emotion for me.
I am so blessed with the most amazing son I could ever have imagined, and yet I still mourn for the babies that could have been. Every time he mentions not having a sibling like his friends, it hurts my heart and I feel guilty as if I am somehow responsible for that turn of events. I mention the times we tried for a sibling for him, let him know I wanted another baby very much, but it somehow feels inadequate.
I have been blessed with one very beautiful, clever, funny, amazing boy to guide and nurture. He has shown me so much beauty that my heart aches in the very best of ways with the weight of it all. I just sometimes wish that I could have had another opportunity to experience motherhood. And I wish his childhood wasn't passing so quickly.
But such is life...
I went through the TV channels tonight and saw that Dinosaur Train and Bob the Builder were playing on some PBS channel that shows preschool shows 24/7. I honestly teared up because I remember when Doran watched those shows along with Thomas the Tank Engine, Handy Manny, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and Clifford. I remember watching Nick Jr. with him, seeing Moose and Zee and learning colors in Spanish with him. Now it's all Power Rangers and Pokemon and Ninja Turtles and the charm of those early years has worn away. Those are such precious years and while I definitely enjoyed them to their fullest, they passed too quickly for me.
Perhaps it's because today is designated as Pregnancy and Infant Loss and Remembrance Day. Four years ago at this time I was hoping with all my heart that I would be pregnant again. On his birthday that same year I tested positive on a pregnancy test and two weeks later I lost that pregnancy. No wonder October is filled with so much emotion for me.
I am so blessed with the most amazing son I could ever have imagined, and yet I still mourn for the babies that could have been. Every time he mentions not having a sibling like his friends, it hurts my heart and I feel guilty as if I am somehow responsible for that turn of events. I mention the times we tried for a sibling for him, let him know I wanted another baby very much, but it somehow feels inadequate.
I have been blessed with one very beautiful, clever, funny, amazing boy to guide and nurture. He has shown me so much beauty that my heart aches in the very best of ways with the weight of it all. I just sometimes wish that I could have had another opportunity to experience motherhood. And I wish his childhood wasn't passing so quickly.
But such is life...
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Gluten Update
In my last update I forgot to mention my progress with going gluten-free and its effects on my health.
Short recap: I had routine thyroid labs drawn in August which showed a significantly elevated TSH level. I went gluten-free a day after receiving those test results and have stuck with it for over 6 weeks now. My endocrinologist wanted labs repeated within 4 weeks of my appointment with him, so I had repeat labs drawn a week and a half ago.
Within 5 weeks of being gluten-free, my TSH levels have returned to normal range. I find that pretty impressive. Should I totally credit the gluten-free diet for this? Maybe, maybe not. But it's certainly enough for me to feel motivated to continue. Some days it's challenging to stay gluten-free when all I want to do is order pizza with my son, but feeling better is more important that a one-time fix, so I stay the course.
Here's to continually improving health!
Short recap: I had routine thyroid labs drawn in August which showed a significantly elevated TSH level. I went gluten-free a day after receiving those test results and have stuck with it for over 6 weeks now. My endocrinologist wanted labs repeated within 4 weeks of my appointment with him, so I had repeat labs drawn a week and a half ago.
Within 5 weeks of being gluten-free, my TSH levels have returned to normal range. I find that pretty impressive. Should I totally credit the gluten-free diet for this? Maybe, maybe not. But it's certainly enough for me to feel motivated to continue. Some days it's challenging to stay gluten-free when all I want to do is order pizza with my son, but feeling better is more important that a one-time fix, so I stay the course.
Here's to continually improving health!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Trial and Error
Last month just flew right on by and I have a feeling this month will follow a similar pattern. I love this time of year so very much but it passes much too quickly!
Homeschooling is still going well, but I've adopted a trial and error approach to what works and what doesn't. When I started the year, I didn't have a schedule as much as a task list. It wasn't a matter of when we did something, just that we did it. This worked for about 2-3 weeks and then Doran started to show signs of disinterest and resistance. I had resorted to what I know best, which is books and worksheets. I was the type of person who loved the rote memorization, enjoyed timed math drills, eagerly awaited the summer reading lists.
This is not Doran's style.
So we took a week off. I won't say we completely abandoned education, but we relaxed. We played games. We played outside. We played on the computer and watched TV. We talked. We read (because I just couldn't give that part up). We laughed. We cried. We were together and we were happy. And then I realized we may be more suited to unschooling than I originally thought we might.
That's not an easy path to take, but it's so much fun. We have no agenda. We just live in the world and allow it to teach us accordingly. We observe nature and its cycles. We play games that encourage us to use strategy, reading and math skills. We look at maps, I share my short travel history with him, and we plan future trips. He asks why and together we find answers. We read and read and read some more. And most of all, I have stopped placing so many judgments on the activities he finds entertaining and fascinating. When he wants to spend half an hour telling me the nuances of Minecraft, you better believe I'm all ears. And when he says to me, "Mom, it would mean so much to me if you would just try playing and see what it's like," then you better believe I'm giving it my best shot.
In the past month I've seen my son reemerge. He's more considerate, compassionate, attentive. He argues less at helping with chores and even volunteers to lend a hand when I least expect it. Don't misunderstand me, he's still sassy and impolite and disrespectful at times, but it's not the struggle it used to be. I chalk it up to normal growing pains and instead of feeling intensely irritated, I try to view those moments as more opportunities to model the behavior I wish I see. And you know what? I find myself growing as a person in the process too. It's not easy, but man is it beautiful to reflect upon.
I sometimes doubt myself and wish I had a more reliable measuring stick for how he's doing. But when I really look at the situation and see the kind of boy he is, I know we're doing the right thing.
His birthday is coming up soon, and I'm currently in the throes of creating a lovely but simple Minecraft party. So far he's excited about the ideas I've presented, so I trust it will be a success. Pictures will definitely follow!
Homeschooling is still going well, but I've adopted a trial and error approach to what works and what doesn't. When I started the year, I didn't have a schedule as much as a task list. It wasn't a matter of when we did something, just that we did it. This worked for about 2-3 weeks and then Doran started to show signs of disinterest and resistance. I had resorted to what I know best, which is books and worksheets. I was the type of person who loved the rote memorization, enjoyed timed math drills, eagerly awaited the summer reading lists.
This is not Doran's style.
So we took a week off. I won't say we completely abandoned education, but we relaxed. We played games. We played outside. We played on the computer and watched TV. We talked. We read (because I just couldn't give that part up). We laughed. We cried. We were together and we were happy. And then I realized we may be more suited to unschooling than I originally thought we might.
That's not an easy path to take, but it's so much fun. We have no agenda. We just live in the world and allow it to teach us accordingly. We observe nature and its cycles. We play games that encourage us to use strategy, reading and math skills. We look at maps, I share my short travel history with him, and we plan future trips. He asks why and together we find answers. We read and read and read some more. And most of all, I have stopped placing so many judgments on the activities he finds entertaining and fascinating. When he wants to spend half an hour telling me the nuances of Minecraft, you better believe I'm all ears. And when he says to me, "Mom, it would mean so much to me if you would just try playing and see what it's like," then you better believe I'm giving it my best shot.
In the past month I've seen my son reemerge. He's more considerate, compassionate, attentive. He argues less at helping with chores and even volunteers to lend a hand when I least expect it. Don't misunderstand me, he's still sassy and impolite and disrespectful at times, but it's not the struggle it used to be. I chalk it up to normal growing pains and instead of feeling intensely irritated, I try to view those moments as more opportunities to model the behavior I wish I see. And you know what? I find myself growing as a person in the process too. It's not easy, but man is it beautiful to reflect upon.
I sometimes doubt myself and wish I had a more reliable measuring stick for how he's doing. But when I really look at the situation and see the kind of boy he is, I know we're doing the right thing.
His birthday is coming up soon, and I'm currently in the throes of creating a lovely but simple Minecraft party. So far he's excited about the ideas I've presented, so I trust it will be a success. Pictures will definitely follow!
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Benefits
If anyone actually reads this blog, she's probably bored to tears of the homeschooling posts. Unless, of course, she's a new homeschooler and avidly searching for other families like hers who are trying a new way of educating their children. Then this may be a welcome stream-of-consciousness experience.
Regardless, I wanted to share how excited I am that I get to learn new things along with my son. This week we've been learning more about the samurai, and today we watched a documentary on the samurai sword. When Doran first told me he wanted to learn about the samurai I didn't think I'd enjoy the research involved with teaching him. Boy, was I wrong!
First of all, there is so much chemistry involved in making a sword in the first place. That was fascinating in and of itself. Then, as macabre as it may be, there's the fact that some metal was able to cut through human bone and muscle. That's a strong metal! And naturally the social aspect is fascinating, especially when it comes to women's roles in samurai culture.
It was such a surprise to find samurai culture to be interesting to me. As I studied the things I could pass on to him, I found myself wanting to know more and before I knew it, an hour had passed since I started researching information. It reminded me of when I was a child and discovering my world, and it felt so amazing. I thanked the Universe for the beautiful opportunity to share homeschooling with my son and look forward to many more beautiful experiences of this kind.
Regardless, I wanted to share how excited I am that I get to learn new things along with my son. This week we've been learning more about the samurai, and today we watched a documentary on the samurai sword. When Doran first told me he wanted to learn about the samurai I didn't think I'd enjoy the research involved with teaching him. Boy, was I wrong!
First of all, there is so much chemistry involved in making a sword in the first place. That was fascinating in and of itself. Then, as macabre as it may be, there's the fact that some metal was able to cut through human bone and muscle. That's a strong metal! And naturally the social aspect is fascinating, especially when it comes to women's roles in samurai culture.
It was such a surprise to find samurai culture to be interesting to me. As I studied the things I could pass on to him, I found myself wanting to know more and before I knew it, an hour had passed since I started researching information. It reminded me of when I was a child and discovering my world, and it felt so amazing. I thanked the Universe for the beautiful opportunity to share homeschooling with my son and look forward to many more beautiful experiences of this kind.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Just another day
One of the things I love about homeschooling is its portability. He practiced math (his choice) while we were out having spontaneous breakfast.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Field Trip!
Doran and I took a field trip today. The books and videos I wanted to do on the next topic he wanted to study (Samurai) won't arrive until later this week, so we're taking this week to begin a nature journal and think about other topics we'll want to learn more about later. Here are some pictures of our first official nature outing as homeschoolers.
The greatest joy so far? Seeing my sweet boy show so much enthusiasm about, well, pretty much everything again. A few months ago an outing of this nature brought nothing but a stream of complaints and it was so much effort just to get him to come along, much less enjoy it. Today he was eager, interested and excited. I look forward to so many more awesome moments like this!
Spinning the wheel to learn about different trees
Creating a bonsai arrangement
Playing in the fountains
Sitting in silence, observing our surroundings
A tiny snail
Recording our observations
The greatest joy so far? Seeing my sweet boy show so much enthusiasm about, well, pretty much everything again. A few months ago an outing of this nature brought nothing but a stream of complaints and it was so much effort just to get him to come along, much less enjoy it. Today he was eager, interested and excited. I look forward to so many more awesome moments like this!
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
I. Love. Homeschooling. I. Hate. Thyroid Disorder.
I realize we've only been officially at this for two days. I know challenging times are very likely ahead of us. But I love it. I love being with him, sharing with him, listening to him. I love being able to witness his enthusiasm for learning first-hand. I love how we can modify lesson plans moment by moment. I love how we can operate without lesson plans. I love my son!
On a different note, I had a visit with my endocrinologist today. He is perplexed at my labs and wants to investigate further. He mentioned immune disorder, and I deflated. He's giving me a month before more tests are to be drawn, and I hope that avoiding gluten in that time will affect my labs in at least a slightly positive way.
I did some internet research on autoimmune thyroid disorder and it is discouraging to say the least. I sat in front of the computer and cried this afternoon feeling completely defeated. The prognosis is so dismal! But I'm nothing if not strong and resilient, and I'm determined to create a positive outcome for myself. I've been passive for a long time and now I'm taking a more active role in my overall health. It may never go away but I'm so tired of it affecting my quality of life. I'm determined to live a full, energetic life. I'll do whatever I have to do to make that happen.
Look for fun pictures of our first week of homeschooling later this week!
On a different note, I had a visit with my endocrinologist today. He is perplexed at my labs and wants to investigate further. He mentioned immune disorder, and I deflated. He's giving me a month before more tests are to be drawn, and I hope that avoiding gluten in that time will affect my labs in at least a slightly positive way.
I did some internet research on autoimmune thyroid disorder and it is discouraging to say the least. I sat in front of the computer and cried this afternoon feeling completely defeated. The prognosis is so dismal! But I'm nothing if not strong and resilient, and I'm determined to create a positive outcome for myself. I've been passive for a long time and now I'm taking a more active role in my overall health. It may never go away but I'm so tired of it affecting my quality of life. I'm determined to live a full, energetic life. I'll do whatever I have to do to make that happen.
Look for fun pictures of our first week of homeschooling later this week!
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Homeschool kicks off
Today was Day 1 on the books. Although I feel every day is a day of learning and educational opportunities, today was the first day we took attendance for record purposes. It went very well. At least three times in the middle of our day Doran exclaimed, "I love home school!" Guess we're off to a great start!
Friday, August 23, 2013
Gluten is my enemy
At least I think it is. It's a long story but here's the most shortened version I can offer. I was officially diagnosed with hypothyroidism at 18, took medication faithfully for 2 years, stopped for 8, managed to get pregnant, medicated again to avoid birth defects, stopped for 2 more years, then had a ridiculously abnormally high TSH reading (we're talking hundreds of times higher than the range of normal...the doctor was impressed I was even still able to function) and resumption of faithful pill-popping ever since. However, in spite of my diligence and full compliance to medicating myself, my TSH is still significantly elevated after a year.
My initial response was indignation. After all, I had given up alcohol, lost nearly 30 pounds, started eating more whole foods, moving my body more, just generally truly trying harder and still, STILL I had a problem. WTH?! How could this be?!
Then my ex mentioned something he discussed with his current health practitioner, and it involved gluten intolerance. I vaguely recalled reading an article a while back about gluten intolerance being connected with autoimmune disorders like Hashimoto's thyroiditis (official diagnosis), and so I decided to research again. There's definitely compelling evidence regarding the link to gluten and malfunctioning thyroid glands, and I'm finally willing to give the whole gluten-free thing a try.
Right now I'm feeling excited and sad at the same time. Just last night a friend of mine was trying to educate Doran on the food groups (albeit with outdated information), and we ranked our favorites. Breads and grains were my #1. I'm a bread and pasta junkie for sure. How am I going to just give that up so easily? And that's just scratching the surface. Can I truly be as diligent as I'd need to be?
Then I think about getting lab results that show my medication needs to be reduced until maybe, just maybe, I can do without it completely and suddenly those sacrifices seem so trivial. So I'm going to give gluten-free a shot, but not until I've said a proper good-bye. So I'll spend the next week enjoying the wheat products I've loved and accepting that my quality of life is more important than any food I could ever eat. And anyone who knows me knows that's a powerful statement to make.
Here's hoping for miracles!
My initial response was indignation. After all, I had given up alcohol, lost nearly 30 pounds, started eating more whole foods, moving my body more, just generally truly trying harder and still, STILL I had a problem. WTH?! How could this be?!
Then my ex mentioned something he discussed with his current health practitioner, and it involved gluten intolerance. I vaguely recalled reading an article a while back about gluten intolerance being connected with autoimmune disorders like Hashimoto's thyroiditis (official diagnosis), and so I decided to research again. There's definitely compelling evidence regarding the link to gluten and malfunctioning thyroid glands, and I'm finally willing to give the whole gluten-free thing a try.
Right now I'm feeling excited and sad at the same time. Just last night a friend of mine was trying to educate Doran on the food groups (albeit with outdated information), and we ranked our favorites. Breads and grains were my #1. I'm a bread and pasta junkie for sure. How am I going to just give that up so easily? And that's just scratching the surface. Can I truly be as diligent as I'd need to be?
Then I think about getting lab results that show my medication needs to be reduced until maybe, just maybe, I can do without it completely and suddenly those sacrifices seem so trivial. So I'm going to give gluten-free a shot, but not until I've said a proper good-bye. So I'll spend the next week enjoying the wheat products I've loved and accepting that my quality of life is more important than any food I could ever eat. And anyone who knows me knows that's a powerful statement to make.
Here's hoping for miracles!
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Finding My Groove
Starting the homeschooling journey feels so much like starting the parenting journey. You read, you study, you take a break from reading, you try some ideas out, then you panic and go back to reading some more. After all, there's so much to know! So many opinions on the same subject, how can you ever decide which one is best.
It seems there are plenty of experts on how to educate your child, whether at home, private school or public school. I've read articles, books, editorials, blogs, etc. by many of them and feel just as scared and uncertain about this step as I did when I first brought my bundle of joy home. One mistake and I'll ruin everything!
Thankfully I know better than that, and now it's time to step away from all the reading, abandon any and all official labels, and just be with my son, listening to him, working with him, experiencing life with him. And if anyone is going to be the expert on him, it's going to be me.
It seems there are plenty of experts on how to educate your child, whether at home, private school or public school. I've read articles, books, editorials, blogs, etc. by many of them and feel just as scared and uncertain about this step as I did when I first brought my bundle of joy home. One mistake and I'll ruin everything!
Thankfully I know better than that, and now it's time to step away from all the reading, abandon any and all official labels, and just be with my son, listening to him, working with him, experiencing life with him. And if anyone is going to be the expert on him, it's going to be me.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Now it's really official
Doran is officially withdrawn from public school. Let the new adventure begin!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
The Way Back
As I've been mulling over different styles of homeschooling and considering what might work best for us, I've also been trying to decide when to start. Tonight it occurred to me that we would not be "starting" anything. Rather, we'd be returning to the way of learning we embraced in the beginning: following our bliss.
Doran and I had a great conversation today after I revealed to him (with his "permission") who his teacher would have been for first grade. We talked about his experience in kindergarten, what events were good for him and which ones were bad. One instance in particular stuck out for both of us, an occasion when he expressed feelings of frustration regarding his pairing of reading partner (she was still struggling with letter recognition at the time and he was reading fluently and independently). He shared with me for the first time today that he feels it was at that moment that he became less interested in reading.
My heart broke hearing his honest confession, and I remembered my own reaction to the phone call I received about the incident. I automatically took the teacher's side and made my son feel guilty for having needs that weren't being met in the situation. I apologized to him today and thanked him for sharing with me. It was eye-opening to say the least.
So as I think about when we'll start this new adventure, I realize that we're not really starting anything. We'll just be returning to the philosophy that worked well for us in the beginning: play has worth and learning is more meaningful when done in an environment of joy and pleasure. What a timely reminder for both of us!
Doran and I had a great conversation today after I revealed to him (with his "permission") who his teacher would have been for first grade. We talked about his experience in kindergarten, what events were good for him and which ones were bad. One instance in particular stuck out for both of us, an occasion when he expressed feelings of frustration regarding his pairing of reading partner (she was still struggling with letter recognition at the time and he was reading fluently and independently). He shared with me for the first time today that he feels it was at that moment that he became less interested in reading.
My heart broke hearing his honest confession, and I remembered my own reaction to the phone call I received about the incident. I automatically took the teacher's side and made my son feel guilty for having needs that weren't being met in the situation. I apologized to him today and thanked him for sharing with me. It was eye-opening to say the least.
So as I think about when we'll start this new adventure, I realize that we're not really starting anything. We'll just be returning to the philosophy that worked well for us in the beginning: play has worth and learning is more meaningful when done in an environment of joy and pleasure. What a timely reminder for both of us!
Blueberry picking
Despite several posted warnings about bears in the area, Doran and I decided to see if the blueberries at Graveyard Fields were ripe for picking. As you can tell from this picture, they were not quite ready. We picked a few anyway and enjoyed a quiet, bear-free hike.
Now the temperature has dropped and it feels like Fall. As that is my favorite season, I'm not complaining. Time to break out the crock pot and to start diligently knitting!
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Exploring Options
Unschooling. The word excites and frightens me. It is in complete opposition to the educational system with which I grew up and yet it is so deliciously appealing. I sit and imagine what my son's experience of life would be if he was free to explore his own interests in his own time. What would my experience be like? How would he grow and how would I change? I'm so acutely aware of my control issues and just the idea of releasing them so drastically brings an exhilarating sense of freedom.
But I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. No curriculum? At all? But I love curriculum! No schedule? No checklists? What about that state-mandated assessment test he would need to complete at the end of each school year? Will he be able to "make it" in the "real world" without formal education? That requires a great deal of trust not only in him but in me and the world around me. What an intense test of faith.
And the TV/video game issue, not to mention chores and allowance. Can I trust my child to eventually learn to self-regulate how much time he spends in front of the computer or TV? Part of me says, "Yes. Take today for example." He and I had no vehicle so we walked to the library, then to lunch, then to ice cream for dessert and finally back home. He played computer games for about 30 minutes before we moved onto playing board and card games. Several hours later we watched TV together, snuggling on the couch, laughing at slapstick comedy. We then read a great book, chatted one last time, and it was time for him to go to bed. We stayed so busy with being together that he barely asked for screen time at all. It was a good day.
I've said frequently that I just want my boy to be happy. I also want to raise a sensitive, compassionate, responsible person who contributes to the world around him in some way. I have just enough romanticism to believe he can be all of that and just enough practicality to find the way to make it happen.
But I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. No curriculum? At all? But I love curriculum! No schedule? No checklists? What about that state-mandated assessment test he would need to complete at the end of each school year? Will he be able to "make it" in the "real world" without formal education? That requires a great deal of trust not only in him but in me and the world around me. What an intense test of faith.
And the TV/video game issue, not to mention chores and allowance. Can I trust my child to eventually learn to self-regulate how much time he spends in front of the computer or TV? Part of me says, "Yes. Take today for example." He and I had no vehicle so we walked to the library, then to lunch, then to ice cream for dessert and finally back home. He played computer games for about 30 minutes before we moved onto playing board and card games. Several hours later we watched TV together, snuggling on the couch, laughing at slapstick comedy. We then read a great book, chatted one last time, and it was time for him to go to bed. We stayed so busy with being together that he barely asked for screen time at all. It was a good day.
I've said frequently that I just want my boy to be happy. I also want to raise a sensitive, compassionate, responsible person who contributes to the world around him in some way. I have just enough romanticism to believe he can be all of that and just enough practicality to find the way to make it happen.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
It's official!
Open Minds School of Discovery is officially registered and legal for operation as of Tuesday! I still have to withdraw Doran from public school, but the biggest part of the process has been completed. Now to get started!
Even though we are legal, we won't officially begin taking attendance for at least a couple of weeks. While I've been steadily and eagerly assembling materials and reading, reading, reading, I still have some loose ends to tie up before jumping in to our next big adventure. I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions the past couple of weeks, trying to listen to my heart (and my son) and tune out other people's expectations. I'm a people-pleasing approval seeker but my heart's desires are often unconventional, so one can only imagine the inner turmoil I experience on a regular basis. Ultimately I've had to accept that there is no "right" answer in this situation. I've had to make a choice between two appealing options and hope my intuition leads me well as it has many times before.
So I'm nervous and excited and eager to see what adventures await! I know we'll face challenges and I may even feel like giving up, but I know neither one of us will be the same for the experience, and that feels just wonderful.
Best of all, I have a new-found reason to blog more frequently (I know, I know, I've said that before). I think this will be a great way to document our experience. I'll even schedule time into our day for it. Goodness knows that's the only way it'll get done!
Even though we are legal, we won't officially begin taking attendance for at least a couple of weeks. While I've been steadily and eagerly assembling materials and reading, reading, reading, I still have some loose ends to tie up before jumping in to our next big adventure. I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions the past couple of weeks, trying to listen to my heart (and my son) and tune out other people's expectations. I'm a people-pleasing approval seeker but my heart's desires are often unconventional, so one can only imagine the inner turmoil I experience on a regular basis. Ultimately I've had to accept that there is no "right" answer in this situation. I've had to make a choice between two appealing options and hope my intuition leads me well as it has many times before.
So I'm nervous and excited and eager to see what adventures await! I know we'll face challenges and I may even feel like giving up, but I know neither one of us will be the same for the experience, and that feels just wonderful.
Best of all, I have a new-found reason to blog more frequently (I know, I know, I've said that before). I think this will be a great way to document our experience. I'll even schedule time into our day for it. Goodness knows that's the only way it'll get done!
Sunday, July 28, 2013
One of those weeks
Have you ever had one of those weeks where almost everything you encounter just moves you? From the obvious moments like when your child smiles at you just before giving you a huge embrace to the normally insignificant things like when you watch a person in one car allow another person to enter the horrific traffic before him. Listening to the birds chatter while you sit on your porch drinking quality coffee because you felt you were worth the splurge. Watching your cat and rabbit play chase then snuggle. Spending time with good friends who refresh your soul like a tall glass of ice cold lemonade on a hot summer day after mowing the lawn. Smelling the fresh mown lawn after a passing rain shower. Reading beautiful quotes and finding new authors whose works you're excited to read. I could go on.
I'm having one of those weeks where it feels like the Universe is smiling at me, holding me and letting me know it's all going to be just fine. It's exactly what I need and I'm overwhelmingly grateful.
I'm having one of those weeks where it feels like the Universe is smiling at me, holding me and letting me know it's all going to be just fine. It's exactly what I need and I'm overwhelmingly grateful.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Making your heart sing
I once had a friend ask me, "What makes your heart sing? Whatever it is, that's what you should do." I have spent the last few months of sober living carefully pondering that question. What makes my heart sing? What makes me feel joy more often than not, makes me feel glad to be alive, is my sunshine on an otherwise cloudy day? What am I most passionate about?
The answer is my son. Not in an obsessive, co-dependent way. I don't live my life solely for my son or through my son (trust me, Pokemon would not be my choice for games to play) but being his mother is the best experience I've ever had. I regularly feel humbled and blessed by and incredibly grateful for his presence in my life. Being a mom, his mom, makes my heart sing. And this is why we've decided together to give homeschooling a shot this year.
I've tried to think of a succinct answer to the inevitable question of "why?" Why am I making this choice? I'm not unhappy with the school system. He had a great kindergarten teacher and made some lovely friends, friends with whom we'll remain in touch, I'm sure. So why? If his experience wasn't overall bad why would I decide to homeschool now?
I've done a lot of reading on the topic and one of the reasons others have given truly resonates with me. I don't want to miss anything. I brought my son into the world with intention. I made a very conscious choice to raise him, guide him, teach him and, when the time is right, let go and watch him tackle the world all on his own. Perhaps it sounds selfish but I want to be the one to share those precious moments of education with him. I want to share this journey with him, guide him and help him find where he can work out his own answers. We will only have this time once and to say it is fleeting is an understatement. I truly believe it takes a village to raise a child, but I also believe I should have more active say in which villagers get to participate.
Just thinking about homeschooling excites me, and Doran is also enthusiastic at being able to learn what he wants, when he wants and how he wants (within reason, of course). We'll officially start in September, so wish us luck as we start this new adventure!
The answer is my son. Not in an obsessive, co-dependent way. I don't live my life solely for my son or through my son (trust me, Pokemon would not be my choice for games to play) but being his mother is the best experience I've ever had. I regularly feel humbled and blessed by and incredibly grateful for his presence in my life. Being a mom, his mom, makes my heart sing. And this is why we've decided together to give homeschooling a shot this year.
I've tried to think of a succinct answer to the inevitable question of "why?" Why am I making this choice? I'm not unhappy with the school system. He had a great kindergarten teacher and made some lovely friends, friends with whom we'll remain in touch, I'm sure. So why? If his experience wasn't overall bad why would I decide to homeschool now?
I've done a lot of reading on the topic and one of the reasons others have given truly resonates with me. I don't want to miss anything. I brought my son into the world with intention. I made a very conscious choice to raise him, guide him, teach him and, when the time is right, let go and watch him tackle the world all on his own. Perhaps it sounds selfish but I want to be the one to share those precious moments of education with him. I want to share this journey with him, guide him and help him find where he can work out his own answers. We will only have this time once and to say it is fleeting is an understatement. I truly believe it takes a village to raise a child, but I also believe I should have more active say in which villagers get to participate.
Just thinking about homeschooling excites me, and Doran is also enthusiastic at being able to learn what he wants, when he wants and how he wants (within reason, of course). We'll officially start in September, so wish us luck as we start this new adventure!
Friday, March 29, 2013
Spring Break
This past week Doran has been on Spring Break. The week didn't start off feeling very spring-like: it snowed on Tuesday. Thankfully my boy is an optimist at heart and incredibly adaptable and has enjoyed his break despite the weather.
He couldn't build a fort outside so he and his dad built one inside. He calls it his ninja fort/hobbit hole and it's quite cozy and stockpiled with weapons. That same day he and his dad built a ninja dummy for practicing moves.
We've been artsy and made pinch pots, painted pottery we didn't make, decorated crowns, and created our own books. We've read books and visited local attractions. We've conducted science experiments (although my volcano needs some work). We've watched movies and played with Legos. And we finally had the chance to go outside and play when the sun came out and warmed things up a bit yesterday.
Easter is on Sunday and I have a fun scavenger hunt planned for him to find his basket of goodies. I have so much fun with Doran on his breaks that I hate to see them end almost as much as he does. Sometimes I wonder if I'm odd in feeling that way, in enjoying being with my child so much, especially when I hear other parents comment on how eager they are to see school resume. That's not to say I never get aggravated with or need a break from my child. I just really enjoy him so much, even in those times.
So it's been a fun break in spite of starting out so cold. Now I can't wait for summer and all the fun things we'll do then!
He couldn't build a fort outside so he and his dad built one inside. He calls it his ninja fort/hobbit hole and it's quite cozy and stockpiled with weapons. That same day he and his dad built a ninja dummy for practicing moves.
We've been artsy and made pinch pots, painted pottery we didn't make, decorated crowns, and created our own books. We've read books and visited local attractions. We've conducted science experiments (although my volcano needs some work). We've watched movies and played with Legos. And we finally had the chance to go outside and play when the sun came out and warmed things up a bit yesterday.
 | |
| Doran painting a cat figurine at a paint-your-own-pottery place |
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| Playing Legos and completely oblivious to me watching |
Easter is on Sunday and I have a fun scavenger hunt planned for him to find his basket of goodies. I have so much fun with Doran on his breaks that I hate to see them end almost as much as he does. Sometimes I wonder if I'm odd in feeling that way, in enjoying being with my child so much, especially when I hear other parents comment on how eager they are to see school resume. That's not to say I never get aggravated with or need a break from my child. I just really enjoy him so much, even in those times.
So it's been a fun break in spite of starting out so cold. Now I can't wait for summer and all the fun things we'll do then!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Grieving
On Monday I found out that the niece who I was excitedly anticipating to be born in about a month, maybe even on my birthday, was found to have no heartbeat in the womb. In one painful moment my brother's world was turned upside down, and he and his wife were faced with the most painful loss I could imagine: the loss of their child.
I have struggled with this for days and will likely continue to struggle for days to come. My heart breaks for my little brother and his wife, two people who are probably the best, purest, most beautiful people I know. My heart breaks for the grandparents who were so excited to welcome a granddaughter after the joy of having two grandsons. My heart breaks for their friends who were helping make plans for meal trains and baby-sitting, baby showers and play dates. My heart just breaks.
I haven't had to grieve a loss this intense in a long time. I'm filled with such sadness and at the same time such overwhelming love for my brother and sister-in-law. I know they'll be OK, they'll get through this loss and in the end they'll be even more amazing for having experienced it. They just exude that kind of strength, love, and compassion. But I can't help but feel that protective spirit I've always held for my brother rise up, that wish that I could make this go away for him. They didn't deserve this, but that's not how life works, is it?
I'm not bitter, I'm not resentful, I'm just very, very sad.
Katy Anne Lee, I barely knew you but I loved you dearly. May your spirit rest peacefully.
I have struggled with this for days and will likely continue to struggle for days to come. My heart breaks for my little brother and his wife, two people who are probably the best, purest, most beautiful people I know. My heart breaks for the grandparents who were so excited to welcome a granddaughter after the joy of having two grandsons. My heart breaks for their friends who were helping make plans for meal trains and baby-sitting, baby showers and play dates. My heart just breaks.
I haven't had to grieve a loss this intense in a long time. I'm filled with such sadness and at the same time such overwhelming love for my brother and sister-in-law. I know they'll be OK, they'll get through this loss and in the end they'll be even more amazing for having experienced it. They just exude that kind of strength, love, and compassion. But I can't help but feel that protective spirit I've always held for my brother rise up, that wish that I could make this go away for him. They didn't deserve this, but that's not how life works, is it?
I'm not bitter, I'm not resentful, I'm just very, very sad.
Katy Anne Lee, I barely knew you but I loved you dearly. May your spirit rest peacefully.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Keep on Keepin' On
Are we truly already into February? I can't seem to keep up these days!
I celebrated one month of sobriety last week! That first month was a challenging one, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. Every day I feel a little better, a little stronger, a little closer to the person I truly want to be. It's not always easy, but it is definitely always worth it.
Doran and I start officially volunteering at the Humane Society this week, and we're both excited for this experience. He, of course, can't wait to cuddle kittens and play with cats, but I've informed him there's more to contribute than that. I've also signed us up for writing letters and drawing pictures for local police officers and firefighters. I'm on a community service kick, and I love it!
Although it's not an official couch to 5k program, I started a more regular walking program in hopes of losing a few pounds so I can start an official program. I tried going straight into it but it hurt more than I thought was probably good for me, so I'm easing into it more slowly. Doran's participation in races is inspiring me to at least try to finish a 5k by the end of this year. What an accomplishment that will be!
Valentine's Day is around the corner, and we haven't decided what kinds of cards to make for the class. We've browsed online a little, but naturally Doran wants to make every complicated card he can find (we may never look at Martha Stewart's website together again). Once I settle on an idea, I'll share it here!
It's time to decide on garden plans, too. I definitely want to grow something, but I will most likely scale back from what I've done (or rather, attempted to do) in years past and invest the money I would've spent on supplies into supporting local farmers. I can't let go of the idea of growing tomatoes, green beans, greens, and peppers, though.
I think that about sums it up. Life is busy but satisfying. I can't ask for more than that!
I celebrated one month of sobriety last week! That first month was a challenging one, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. Every day I feel a little better, a little stronger, a little closer to the person I truly want to be. It's not always easy, but it is definitely always worth it.
Doran and I start officially volunteering at the Humane Society this week, and we're both excited for this experience. He, of course, can't wait to cuddle kittens and play with cats, but I've informed him there's more to contribute than that. I've also signed us up for writing letters and drawing pictures for local police officers and firefighters. I'm on a community service kick, and I love it!
Although it's not an official couch to 5k program, I started a more regular walking program in hopes of losing a few pounds so I can start an official program. I tried going straight into it but it hurt more than I thought was probably good for me, so I'm easing into it more slowly. Doran's participation in races is inspiring me to at least try to finish a 5k by the end of this year. What an accomplishment that will be!
Valentine's Day is around the corner, and we haven't decided what kinds of cards to make for the class. We've browsed online a little, but naturally Doran wants to make every complicated card he can find (we may never look at Martha Stewart's website together again). Once I settle on an idea, I'll share it here!
It's time to decide on garden plans, too. I definitely want to grow something, but I will most likely scale back from what I've done (or rather, attempted to do) in years past and invest the money I would've spent on supplies into supporting local farmers. I can't let go of the idea of growing tomatoes, green beans, greens, and peppers, though.
I think that about sums it up. Life is busy but satisfying. I can't ask for more than that!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Off to a good start
2013 is going along swimmingly. I'm still alcohol-free (a pretty amazing feat!), I'm on course with my resolutions, and Doran and I have been spending some awesome quality time together. I couldn't ask for more at this point in my life.
Here's a picture of Doran in his white belt, received early this month:
After 9+ years of knowing how to knit, I FINALLY knit my first sock. I'm pretty proud of it, so here's a pic of that:
I'm working on the other one now and hope to have it finished by the end of the week. Socks are a practical knitting project, and I'm excited to try different patterns.
My book of the month is one I picked up from the library sale: Wednesday Night Witches. It seemed like it could be a decent read when I read the description and the first few pages, but midway through I'm not so sure. I'll finish it though, because it's not impossible. Next I'll read a book from the Dexter series by Jeff Lindsay: Dexter in the Dark. At least that's my plan. Who knows if another title will strike my fancy first!
So that's a small update of things going on in my world. I've naturally been doing a lot of thinking, but those thoughts can wait for another day. For now, I need to resume my housecleaning and make some lunch. Have a lovely Tuesday!
Here's a picture of Doran in his white belt, received early this month:
After 9+ years of knowing how to knit, I FINALLY knit my first sock. I'm pretty proud of it, so here's a pic of that:
I'm working on the other one now and hope to have it finished by the end of the week. Socks are a practical knitting project, and I'm excited to try different patterns.
My book of the month is one I picked up from the library sale: Wednesday Night Witches. It seemed like it could be a decent read when I read the description and the first few pages, but midway through I'm not so sure. I'll finish it though, because it's not impossible. Next I'll read a book from the Dexter series by Jeff Lindsay: Dexter in the Dark. At least that's my plan. Who knows if another title will strike my fancy first!
So that's a small update of things going on in my world. I've naturally been doing a lot of thinking, but those thoughts can wait for another day. For now, I need to resume my housecleaning and make some lunch. Have a lovely Tuesday!
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Sobriety
I did not resolve to quit drinking in 2013. I felt such a goal to be too big, too long-term, too much, so I decided to simply do a 30-day sobriety challenge. Thirty of 365 days seemed much more reasonable and doable for me.
Over the past couple of days, though, I've begun to take an honest look at my life and what I've allowed it to become. The truth is I've allowed alcohol to play a huge part in my life for most of my adult life, with the exception of pregnancy. I've joked about it in an attempt to hide how serious the issue was, but I don't believe it went completely unnoticed by those who love me.
For a while it was easy to deny a problem. I had never missed a day of work due to drinking; I'd just come to work hungover. I did most of my drinking at night and never craved a drink upon waking. My son had not suffered visibly from my alcohol abuse (meaning he always had healthy food, got to school on time, had quality time with me, made it to play dates, etc but who knows how much he noticed on a psychological level). Besides, who doesn't enjoy a good craft beer? Most of my "friends" did, that's for sure. And in a town with so many microbreweries, why not enjoy some of each? So many beers, so little time...
Facing the reality of alcohol addiction is not easy. I have a strong sense of pride that is wounded by this admission. After all, I'm a smart woman, bright and funny, generous and thoughtful. How could I have allowed something like this to happen? But it did happen, and now's the time to set aside my pride and admit I have a problem that needs some help.
So I'm blogging about it as a way of holding myself accountable. My dirty secret is out. My plan is still to follow the 30-day sobriety challenge and allow myself the possibility of a drink at the end of it. I'm hoping that by that point I'll be in enough control to cope with any urges I have, but it's going to be a lengthy process. I've spent more than a decade drinking heavily (again, except for pregnancy) and those issues won't resolve in just 30 days. But with the right support I'll make it and create a new life free of dependency.
And if by chance you see me out and I happen to have a drink, please don't judge me. A smile and a hug will do more to help me than any criticism you may have for my choices.
Over the past couple of days, though, I've begun to take an honest look at my life and what I've allowed it to become. The truth is I've allowed alcohol to play a huge part in my life for most of my adult life, with the exception of pregnancy. I've joked about it in an attempt to hide how serious the issue was, but I don't believe it went completely unnoticed by those who love me.
For a while it was easy to deny a problem. I had never missed a day of work due to drinking; I'd just come to work hungover. I did most of my drinking at night and never craved a drink upon waking. My son had not suffered visibly from my alcohol abuse (meaning he always had healthy food, got to school on time, had quality time with me, made it to play dates, etc but who knows how much he noticed on a psychological level). Besides, who doesn't enjoy a good craft beer? Most of my "friends" did, that's for sure. And in a town with so many microbreweries, why not enjoy some of each? So many beers, so little time...
Facing the reality of alcohol addiction is not easy. I have a strong sense of pride that is wounded by this admission. After all, I'm a smart woman, bright and funny, generous and thoughtful. How could I have allowed something like this to happen? But it did happen, and now's the time to set aside my pride and admit I have a problem that needs some help.
So I'm blogging about it as a way of holding myself accountable. My dirty secret is out. My plan is still to follow the 30-day sobriety challenge and allow myself the possibility of a drink at the end of it. I'm hoping that by that point I'll be in enough control to cope with any urges I have, but it's going to be a lengthy process. I've spent more than a decade drinking heavily (again, except for pregnancy) and those issues won't resolve in just 30 days. But with the right support I'll make it and create a new life free of dependency.
And if by chance you see me out and I happen to have a drink, please don't judge me. A smile and a hug will do more to help me than any criticism you may have for my choices.
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