On Monday I found out that the niece who I was excitedly anticipating to be born in about a month, maybe even on my birthday, was found to have no heartbeat in the womb. In one painful moment my brother's world was turned upside down, and he and his wife were faced with the most painful loss I could imagine: the loss of their child.
I have struggled with this for days and will likely continue to struggle for days to come. My heart breaks for my little brother and his wife, two people who are probably the best, purest, most beautiful people I know. My heart breaks for the grandparents who were so excited to welcome a granddaughter after the joy of having two grandsons. My heart breaks for their friends who were helping make plans for meal trains and baby-sitting, baby showers and play dates. My heart just breaks.
I haven't had to grieve a loss this intense in a long time. I'm filled with such sadness and at the same time such overwhelming love for my brother and sister-in-law. I know they'll be OK, they'll get through this loss and in the end they'll be even more amazing for having experienced it. They just exude that kind of strength, love, and compassion. But I can't help but feel that protective spirit I've always held for my brother rise up, that wish that I could make this go away for him. They didn't deserve this, but that's not how life works, is it?
I'm not bitter, I'm not resentful, I'm just very, very sad.
Katy Anne Lee, I barely knew you but I loved you dearly. May your spirit rest peacefully.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Keep on Keepin' On
Are we truly already into February? I can't seem to keep up these days!
I celebrated one month of sobriety last week! That first month was a challenging one, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. Every day I feel a little better, a little stronger, a little closer to the person I truly want to be. It's not always easy, but it is definitely always worth it.
Doran and I start officially volunteering at the Humane Society this week, and we're both excited for this experience. He, of course, can't wait to cuddle kittens and play with cats, but I've informed him there's more to contribute than that. I've also signed us up for writing letters and drawing pictures for local police officers and firefighters. I'm on a community service kick, and I love it!
Although it's not an official couch to 5k program, I started a more regular walking program in hopes of losing a few pounds so I can start an official program. I tried going straight into it but it hurt more than I thought was probably good for me, so I'm easing into it more slowly. Doran's participation in races is inspiring me to at least try to finish a 5k by the end of this year. What an accomplishment that will be!
Valentine's Day is around the corner, and we haven't decided what kinds of cards to make for the class. We've browsed online a little, but naturally Doran wants to make every complicated card he can find (we may never look at Martha Stewart's website together again). Once I settle on an idea, I'll share it here!
It's time to decide on garden plans, too. I definitely want to grow something, but I will most likely scale back from what I've done (or rather, attempted to do) in years past and invest the money I would've spent on supplies into supporting local farmers. I can't let go of the idea of growing tomatoes, green beans, greens, and peppers, though.
I think that about sums it up. Life is busy but satisfying. I can't ask for more than that!
I celebrated one month of sobriety last week! That first month was a challenging one, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. Every day I feel a little better, a little stronger, a little closer to the person I truly want to be. It's not always easy, but it is definitely always worth it.
Doran and I start officially volunteering at the Humane Society this week, and we're both excited for this experience. He, of course, can't wait to cuddle kittens and play with cats, but I've informed him there's more to contribute than that. I've also signed us up for writing letters and drawing pictures for local police officers and firefighters. I'm on a community service kick, and I love it!
Although it's not an official couch to 5k program, I started a more regular walking program in hopes of losing a few pounds so I can start an official program. I tried going straight into it but it hurt more than I thought was probably good for me, so I'm easing into it more slowly. Doran's participation in races is inspiring me to at least try to finish a 5k by the end of this year. What an accomplishment that will be!
Valentine's Day is around the corner, and we haven't decided what kinds of cards to make for the class. We've browsed online a little, but naturally Doran wants to make every complicated card he can find (we may never look at Martha Stewart's website together again). Once I settle on an idea, I'll share it here!
It's time to decide on garden plans, too. I definitely want to grow something, but I will most likely scale back from what I've done (or rather, attempted to do) in years past and invest the money I would've spent on supplies into supporting local farmers. I can't let go of the idea of growing tomatoes, green beans, greens, and peppers, though.
I think that about sums it up. Life is busy but satisfying. I can't ask for more than that!
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