In the midst of the challenges I'm facing and transitions I'm still navigating, one thing sticks with me: I choose joy. Yes, I cry and yes, I feel incredibly sad, but ultimately I choose joy. I choose joy believing that joy is not a destination or a final goal, but a state of being. Even when life seems gray and I feel lonely, I still choose joy.
I value the opportunities I have to learn and grow, the tears I shed, and the moments of darkness that force me to look inward and reflect on the choices I'm making and have made. I do not expect nor do I wish for my life to be without challenges, to be constantly sunny or "perfect", whatever that may mean for me. But through these periods of growth and reflection, I choose joy as my primary motivator.
And given the alternatives, I don't think joy is a half-bad choice.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Appropriate for today
"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go." ~ Author Unknown
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Sisterhood
I have spent this weekend hanging out with some incredible women, meeting more amazing women, and celebrating the journeys some of us take, particularly motherhood. As someone who remained baffled by the connections between women for many, many years, I feel so incredibly blessed to have had this experience this weekend.
I'm awakening to the fact that I have a group of true sisters, of women who will hold me in the light and love of their thoughts and prayers, of ladies who will stand beside me quite devotedly and know what to give me when I don't know how or for what to ask. I still feel like the odd-woman-out more times than not, feel awkward and inept in gatherings of women who are obviously more amazing, more graceful, more together than I may ever hope to be. What amazes me is I keep getting asked back to be part of the circles, part of the love they share, which just proves that the love they do share is truly blind and unconditional :)
To all of you women out there who have helped to hold me up during this challenging time in my life, to those I've known for years and years and to those I've only gotten to know recently, I want you to know your kind words and actions have not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. They have meant more to me than I could ever truly communicate. Your love stays with me in a time when I find it hard to love myself and inspires me to keep going, embraces me when I feel I'm alone in the dark, and assures me the dawn will come again.
On this day that has been created to celebrate motherhood, I want also to celebrate sisterhood. There are many women out there who have yet to birth/adopt their own children but who mother others in the most wonderful ways. I'm thankful for you all!
I'm awakening to the fact that I have a group of true sisters, of women who will hold me in the light and love of their thoughts and prayers, of ladies who will stand beside me quite devotedly and know what to give me when I don't know how or for what to ask. I still feel like the odd-woman-out more times than not, feel awkward and inept in gatherings of women who are obviously more amazing, more graceful, more together than I may ever hope to be. What amazes me is I keep getting asked back to be part of the circles, part of the love they share, which just proves that the love they do share is truly blind and unconditional :)
To all of you women out there who have helped to hold me up during this challenging time in my life, to those I've known for years and years and to those I've only gotten to know recently, I want you to know your kind words and actions have not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. They have meant more to me than I could ever truly communicate. Your love stays with me in a time when I find it hard to love myself and inspires me to keep going, embraces me when I feel I'm alone in the dark, and assures me the dawn will come again.
On this day that has been created to celebrate motherhood, I want also to celebrate sisterhood. There are many women out there who have yet to birth/adopt their own children but who mother others in the most wonderful ways. I'm thankful for you all!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Why?
That is Doran's question of the moment, any moment, every moment. Why? Why is duck spelled d-u-c-k? Why is that story named *insert story here*? Why did you pass that car? Why did you stop? Why are we having *insert meal here* for dinner? Why are we going to *insert destination here*? Why? Why? Why?
Why indeed!
I thought I had some time to prepare for this. I thought the steady stream of why's happened at around age 5, but I have been informed by an insider in childcare that I am mistaken. Why? is a common question of 3-year-olds. Super.
I want to be more patient, I give it my best, but there is something in the overwhelming amount of questioning that causes me to question my actions myself. Why are we having *insert meal here* for dinner? Is it unbalanced? Is it a lazy choice? Why did I pass that car just then? Was I being reckless? Should I be more observant, take more time? Ridiculous, I know, but perhaps Doran's why phase just happens to coincide with my reevaluate-my-life phase. I figure if we can get through this, then we'll both be a little wiser on the other side.
Why indeed!
I thought I had some time to prepare for this. I thought the steady stream of why's happened at around age 5, but I have been informed by an insider in childcare that I am mistaken. Why? is a common question of 3-year-olds. Super.
I want to be more patient, I give it my best, but there is something in the overwhelming amount of questioning that causes me to question my actions myself. Why are we having *insert meal here* for dinner? Is it unbalanced? Is it a lazy choice? Why did I pass that car just then? Was I being reckless? Should I be more observant, take more time? Ridiculous, I know, but perhaps Doran's why phase just happens to coincide with my reevaluate-my-life phase. I figure if we can get through this, then we'll both be a little wiser on the other side.
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